Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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