She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
