You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize