i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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