HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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