remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
