did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize