Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
