I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
