these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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