i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
only you would photoshop your dick
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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