chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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