i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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