i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
