Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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