found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
