i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
