I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Shame is for Republicans.
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