She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
