I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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