In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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