no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i believe in u and ur pee
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
