Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize