Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize