Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
