I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Two words: nipple clamps
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