Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
