sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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