Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
