he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
