My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
