He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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