it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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