Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
