im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
