shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
