I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
