Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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