well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
