i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
