Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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