I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
they're like a gay fantastic four
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
