we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
