so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
