Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
