The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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