I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize