my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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