I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
