woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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