I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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