I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
