It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
