Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
