Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
