those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
