are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
