I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
