just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
