high people should be assigned attendants
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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