Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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