I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
