just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
