i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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