I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
