i will never coherently bang her
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
